


Shame to Shameless

by jaythewriter



Series: Misplaced Attachments [11]
Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: First Times, M/M, Misplaced Attachments, Multi, Trans Jay, gay as fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-02 12:04:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2811308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaythewriter/pseuds/jaythewriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jay, Alex, and Tim plan out their first times with one another in a stunning attempt at communication and understanding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jay and Alex

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for blurry consent (mentioned in a past sexual attempt between Tim and Brian, ends well), and front penetration.

There are those who would argue that your first time is an exciting thing-- first kiss with someone, first date, first roll in the sheets-- and to be having several first times at once, that’s amazing, right? 

Two boys to kiss for the first time, two boys to go out to the movies with, two boys to lay between in bed.

But Jay isn’t one of those people. 

Instead, he’s sitting in that bed, trembling with the knowledge that Alex is in the bathroom, washing up. Naked. Warm. And there he is, clutching a pillow to his chest, still soft but not as insistent as they were before the needles and the bi-weekly injections. Vulnerable. Ready. Ready as he ever will be with his heart in his mouth and his hands cold. 

The seeds of attraction were always there, so they knew it would happen eventually. So, they planned this. By they, he means not just Alex and him. Tim was involved, to the point where he volunteered to be scheduled to work at the shelter tonight. He said he’d rather leave them be, tried to joke about how he’d ruin the mood, but to be honest they were probably already ruining it by being this meticulous about the matter. 

Alex first, they’d decided. Jay admitted it right away: he was most nervous about Alex, the most experienced in intimate matters between the three of them. 

“I mean, I don’t mean to brag, but--”

“Then don’t.”

Jay knew about the girls, the boys, the ones of indeterminate gender back in college. Everyone did. Bit hard not to notice when everyone was gossiping about how Alex was cheating on Amy, the star volleyball player who deserved /way/ better than that pretentious sack of shit but Jay was aware of the truth. They were open, and nobody fucking listened when the two of them attempted to set the record straight, so they just stopped trying.

So Alex can find his way around in the bedroom and he’s staked it out as his kingdom. 

Meanwhile, here’s Jay, who cried during his first fumbled attempt with a girl in his dorm bedroom who looked absurdly like Jessica, maybe even was Jessica, what with his memory having the stability of the faults surrounding San Francisco. She took one look down his pants, shrugged, went down on him, and jumped away when he started sobbing. Luck was on his side that evening, with her providing tissues and gentle strokes to the head.

Still, he never lived it down. 

Alex and Tim were made aware of the experience when the three of them sat down and planned shit out. Tim promised him it wasn’t a big deal, he tried to go down on Brian once when he’d missed his meds and lost hold of reality. Something in his head led to him owing that to his best friend and, well, Brian, being amazing and Brian-ly, understood it wasn’t Tim making such an aggressive move on him and gently drove him back to the couch, letting him sleep off the mania. That was a surprise, and yet, not, in that it was between him and Brian. 

On Alex’s end… he didn’t say a thing. He kept his head down, nodded along when Tim and Jay agreed that it would be okay if he and Jay were first. 

Alex hasn’t said a word since then on the matter. They went about their days, and come nightfall, with Christina out of the house and the two of them totally alone, Alex crept into the bedroom and placed a box of condoms on the bedside table. Without a word, he undressed in front of Jay, and left the room, promising to be back in fifteen minutes.

“Get started without me,” he’d teased, laying out his glasses next to the condoms. 

It’s been ten minutes since then and Jay can’t hear the pipes clanking anymore.

He did attempt to ‘get started’ at first, had a hand down his boxers and even shut down his laptop for the evening, but fear twitches along the insides of his thighs, up his trembling stomach and into his thrumming heart. Now he’s uncomfortably aroused and shaking, certain that Alex will find him unsatisfactory as a partner when he’s had so many others before him.

He moves a finger inside himself with halfhearted strokes, hoping to maybe save Alex the work of getting him loose but it’s fucking hopeless. Flopping back against the five pillows they have laid out for three heads, he lets out a long breath and releases the cushion that he was holding against himself. Shit, at least Alex’s experience with nonbinary folks has assuaged his fears of disappointing him with his soft chest and, well, he won’t be able to do for him what he’s presumably going to do when he comes in, not without extra help, and-- shit.

The door squeaks open, announcing his presence, along with the aroma of whatever sweet off-brand soap Christina has in the shower this week. He’s still naked, yet he seems younger, with his damp hair pressed to his head and hanging in his eyes. No amount of towel-drying can save it, Jay always has to put up with a wet pillow next to his come bedtime.

Alex’s naked body is nothing new to him. His stomach that strains a bit against his jeans these days, strong long legs that could kick a man into next week, arms that could definitely hold him down. 

That doesn’t make it any less intimidating. Jay is already reaching for his discarded pillow to cover up the bones and ridges when Alex suddenly appears between his splayed legs, the bed bouncing underneath them.

“Relax,” he orders. Jay has to snort. Easier said than done has never rung more true. 

But.

The sweet kiss upon his lips, not even a hint of tongue or teeth, just a brush that makes a wave of tingling heat crash over his body, it turns him to jelly and relaxes him more than any combination of words ever could. There are gentle hands working his chest, bringing nerves that have been dormant for years back to life. His back arches, he doesn’t remember doing it but he moves up against those hands and he sighs a long shuddering sigh.

“Better,” Alex murmurs over him, a warm tongue darting out in the juncture of his neck. Tracing his pulse. Tracing down to his collarbone. Tracing the ridges of his throat. “Much better.”

The purposeful way he moves tells Jay he’s been thinking about this for a long time. Not that he hasn’t either but Alex would plot out the map of his body and where to go first. That ought to calm him… but, he’s Jay. He can’t help himself.

Alex stares at the hand Jay presses flat upon his chest, pushing him back. He tries, he does, pressing little kisses to his jaw and moving his hair from his face, sweet and loving… But his quivering hands lead to him somehow jabbing Alex in the ribs and then they’re both on their backs. Jay doesn’t think he’s apologized so many fucking times in his life.

“No, no, it’s fine, seriously, I can breathe-- stop rubbing it, you’re digging into it,” Alex huffs, pushing Jay’s hand away from his (admittedly mild) injury. The smaller man immediately balls up and rolls away from Alex, trembling and pretending he doesn’t exist. Maybe if he tries hard enough he’ll fade from this dimension. 

The hands that come up behind him and grope at his chest prove that he’s still there with Alex.

“Seriously, Jay. Relax. You don’t have to force anything.”

“But I’m not doing enough--”

“Listen, if I tell you I mostly slept with first-timers because I liked it, would you finally calm down?”

That gets Jay to listen. He pauses, frozen in place with hot hands squeezing at him.

“…What do you mean?”

Warm breath fogs at the back of his neck, pulling a shudder from his body. Alex’s lips smile against his skin, and he runs his fingertips over the sensitive skin he has claimed with his big hands. Jay shudders again and closes his eyes, deep breathing. He won’t get overwhelmed, he won’t cry…

“I like teaching them, showing them the ropes. They really appreciated it and I liked how safe they felt coming in knowing I didn’t expect anything of them,” Alex explains, each word falling hot on the nape of Jay’s neck. There isn’t anything seductive to his tone, yet Jay continues to shiver, bite at his lip and pretend he isn’t falling to pieces. “The best part… was how surprised they were at how good it could feel.”

Alex emerges from behind him, pressing a hand to Jay’s shoulder to get him to lie down on his back again. He takes his chin and tilts it back, forcing him to look up.

“So will you relax now?” 

Jay can’t say no to him. He never could.

That’s how they ended up working together, on his first shitty god-awful film, how they were sent running away from each other then right back, with anger flaring in their eyes and fear in their hearts. 

How they came to be in that dark school with a grimy past. Gun pointed. Camera pointed.

How they’re here now, Alex’s lips carving a path into his skin, the hot sensation he leaves behind searing into his bones and tearing whines from his own lips.

Those lips are now between his legs, and, hell, it’s been years since he’s had someone anywhere near his dick, it’s changed so much and he wants to /cry/ from the sensitivity. So he does. He lets the tears roll down his cheeks, hiccups mingling in with his quaky pleasurable gasps. Alex picks his head up, tongue poked out between his lips and brow furrowed in question, but he isn’t up for air long. Jay pushes him back down, making his demands clear-- and Alex obliges them right away, tongue tracing patterns along his shaft, to the tip, sucking…

Shit. Jay can’t let go of his head now, weaving his hands through Alex’s wet hair and leaving it to stand. He keeps him close to the hot patch between his thighs, keeps him still so he can fuck his mouth. His stomach is twisting and, hah, he has to laugh at the thought that his cheeks aren’t the only place that’s warm and wet. 

Alex’s voice is filling the room along with his, noisy as he is. If Jay didn’t believe that he got off to this as well before, he does now. His hips rock up into his mouth at each lick, thrusting deep in a way that he always wanted to when he was younger and had a softer, smaller body. He’s still small, still weaker, but he wouldn’t change it for the world now, especially with Alex taking advantage of his not-quite-there muscles by pinning his legs apart with his knees and his wrists over his head.

“I think you’re ready,” he says, lips slick with evidence. Jay wants to kiss it off but Alex is leaning over to the box on the table. Something is crinkling. Then comes an order that challenges Jay’s limits: “Stretch yourself more.”

Shame holds his hands where they are, over his head and away from himself. He tells himself he’s being silly, he was just writhing and sobbing for Alex a second ago while his mouth was latched onto him like he was the best thing he ever tasted.

Such thoughts help, but they don’t physically push him when he needs to be pushed, and Alex is the one who does that, grabbing his hand and steering it down. He dares to look, see him hard and standing.

His fingers can’t compare to how that’s going to feel but he obeys Alex’s commands anyway, in, out, gasping aloud when he feels eyes on him. He dares to meet the other’s hungry gaze, maybe even tease him when he whimpers.

“…You jerk,” Alex murmurs under his breath, and suddenly Jay is upright, being scooped up into Alex’s lap. His legs come to rest on either side of his waist, and his arms loop around Alex’s neck on instinct. Those large hands that were throwing him about and holding him down are gentle now, massaging his thighs, like he means to soothe Jay as he brushes at his entrance. “You don’t seem so haughty now.”

“Gee, wonder why that is,” Jay stutters out, each little push inside too much to handle and yet not enough. He wills himself to be loose and pliable, feels Alex slide in and he’s there, as much as he could be.

They sit together, Jay reminding himself to breathe, Alex’s forehead against his. He beckons in for kisses, and Jay gives them to him, but he’s pulsing and twitching, needing more than this. So he moves first, rotating his hips back and forth, feels him on all sides, everywhere.

It’s like he’s supposed to be there.

Jay doesn’t give himself the chance to laugh at his own thoughts. He fucks himself onto Alex, moves best as he can at this angle, not wanting to give it up because /this view/, goddamn, it’s perfect, seeing the other grit his teeth and feel his breath come out in harsh exhales.

Being so worked up already, Jay’s insides are lighting up, and his legs shake to the point where he can’t control himself anymore. He flops boneless onto his back, Alex quick to chase after him and push back into him. There’s a hand on his shoulder, providing leverage so that he can thrust wildly, the smack of their skin together sure to leave bruises.

Jay can’t tell when he comes. There is an overwhelming wave that brings his arms up to try to resist Alex, his want winning over and bringing those arms to his neck instead. It shakes him, sends something electric down his thighs, and then he’s too sensitive to take anymore. 

Alex came already. He doesn’t know when he did, just knows Alex pushed himself through the oversensitivity for his sake. The man shudders over him, broken and mouth hanging open. He slips the condom off, losing all remaining dignity when he flops on his stomach and paws around under the bed for the trash bin.

They couldn’t have lasted more than five minutes.

When Alex returns to his side, Jay combs his hands through that stupid wet hair and tugs him down by it, presses a grateful kiss to his panting mouth.

Being who he is, he can’t find the right words to thank him.

So he can only tell him how much it meant through another kiss. Then another. Then one more, and one more…


	2. Jay and Tim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for frontal penetration by fingers.

Tim likely doesn’t mean to do it, but that doesn’t change the fact that he /does/ do it-- that is, practically slamming the front door and rocking the house with his return home. Asshole. 

Jay’s eyes fly open, sore from a stretched out night of staring at the laptop screen and then staring at a beautiful man as he fucks him into the mattress. He looks out into the shadows of the room, unmoving in this long but beautiful night. The moon is peering into the open window-- were the curtains parted when he and Alex…? It doesn’t matter now, not like they can fix it, but how could they forget?

Rolling over, Jay discovers that Alex is still out, stretched on his back with his knees crooked to create a huge tent in the blankets. His left arm splays out toward Jay, where Jay originally passed out with his mouth latched onto his neck. The mark he left behind is visible even in this darkness, and he has to grin to himself. 

Meanwhile, Jay hears the thud of feet ascending the steps, moving up and over toward the bathroom across the hall. A light flickers on, and pipes shiver from within the walls. Tim’s shadow is visible, painting itself across the bedroom threshold. 

Careful as a pair of shaking legs can, Jay forces himself from the bed and onto his standing feet without waking Alex. He snuffles and paws at the unoccupied pillows beside his own, but nothing further. 

Tim stands in front of the sink, washing his face, shirt unbuttoned and halfway shrugged off to keep it from getting wet. Jay does him the honors of pulling it off the rest of the way, shaking his head at his halfassery.

“You’re still up,” Tim points out, not a question. 

“You’re home early,” Jay retorts. He drops Tim’s unbuttoned flannel to the side and runs his hands up his chest from behind, sighing warmly into his shoulder. From soft to firm and back again. Different from Alex’s body, and he has both to cover with his mouth, his hands, all he wants now. 

“Guessing I didn’t interrupt anything if you’re in here,” Tim says, the brown eyes in the mirror flicking over to take in the open bedroom door. Alex’s feet are hanging off the bed now, as they always have. His stare falls back to Jay, meeting his gaze through the glass. “…You’re really cheery.”

Jay provides him with a silent answer in the form of a shy smile, hiding it in his bare shoulder. It’s returned, crooked and toothy, melting Jay’s heart for the umpteenth time.

“Thought about you two the whole time I was working. I figured it would go okay, but, you know,” Tim nods off to a point in space before switching off the water. His chest expands, taking in a deep breath and releasing it in a sigh. “…it’s really hard working and knowing you two are fucking like bunnies back here.”

“I wouldn’t say like /bunnies/,” Jay giggles into his neck. He peers back up and sees the man’s downturned eyes. Banishing the grin from his face, he runs his fingers down the man’s chest and beckons back his attention. “It went fine. Really. If you were worried, that’s sweet, but everything is fine.”

Tim snorts, switching off the water and whipping his head side to side, sending drops of water flying. Turning to face Jay, he takes the man’s shoulders and looks over his bare form, slides his hands down his arms, down to softer, vulnerable skin. 

“I was worried. Yeah. But it’s more the fact that I couldn’t get out from behind the desk without there being a huge problem.”

Oh.

Jay feels himself look down, but forces his gaze back to Tim’s face-- he’s leaning straight against him, there is a firm /something/ pressing against him and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what’s up. 

“Bet a lot of filing got done tonight if you were stuck back there so long,” Jay says with a raised eyebrow. Tim nods, shoulders rocking in time with the weak laugh that he utters. They stand close, too close for this to not mean anything, and Jay wants to, but he can’t figure out /what/ he wants. He settles for tracing his fingers down Tim’s arms, down the fine dark hair lining them, down the muscles he has come to love. “You were that hot and bothered over the idea of Alex and I?”

“You’re both hot, okay, so you can quit acting surprised,” Tim huffs, before he has to lean his hands back on the sink to keep from toppling over. His breath stutters at the hands that trail up his chest, running over a pounding heart and heated skin. 

Jay pushes against him, hips purposefully angled against the hardness that refuses to go away. Jeans against hot flesh ought to hurt but the scrape of denim against his thighs is something he can brush off in favor of having Tim breathless under him.

“I wish you’d been there,” Jay whispers, leaning to speak into Tim’s ear. He grasps at the back of Tim’s neck, wanting to stop himself and ask just what the hell he’s doing when he was shaking and tearing up in the face of being naked beneath Alex. But now that he’s done it, stripped himself bare, it’s hard to hold himself back. He almost laughs to himself, thinking of what Alex would say if he told him what he’d done-- ‘Didn’t know my dick gave good self-esteem counseling.’

“If I’d been there…?”

If Tim had been there, as he’s saying, he knows he wouldn’t have gotten far at all. The three of them would’ve ended the evening curled up, shoving down boners that won’t fuck off and trying not to look at each other. But, Tim is staring up at him, providing him with his undivided attention, and he’s twitching in his pants, a wordless plead for more. 

“I would’ve made Alex fuck you first,” Jay tells him, sliding his hands down the back of Tim’s jeans. He squeezes at him, at the place he spends more time staring at than he’d like to admit. “Get him warmed up. And… he’d leave you be, just when you’re about to finish.”

Tim grits his teeth, his stubbly jaw tense as a groan breaks out from his throat. His voice breaks when Jay’s fingertip teases at him, threatening to slip inside. He angles himself back, daring him to-- so he does, just the slightest, and his jaw goes slack. 

“Fuck, keep going.”

Ah hell. Good thing Jay writes. Thinking on his toes isn’t easy but when it comes to painting a mental picture, he can definitely manage it. 

“Then, I’d ride you, holding down your wrists, and Alex would fuck me from behind. Get me stretched to the point of breaking. You want to break me?”

Tim shudders, a calloused hand coming up and gripping Jay by the shoulder. He holds him in place, grinding against him, falling in time with Jay’s pumping finger. 

“I’ll break you over and over again,” he hisses through his teeth, and suddenly the hand that was on Jay’s shoulder is between his thighs, the heel of Tim’s palm grinding into his standing cock. Jay lets his head fall back, a soft gasp leaving his parted lips and his hips rocking, the friction between them reaching an unbearable level.

“You’re breaking me now,” Jay manages between gasps, around a smug grin that’s erased the moment Tim tugs him down into a kiss. There are teeth digging into his lower lip and Tim’s body is quaking against his, the hand between them falters for a second before starting up again, two fingers inside of Jay and his palm still brushing up against his dick.

Somehow, Jay’s against the bathroom door now, his hands free from Tim and his teeth marking up his neck, painting it purple and blue. He tries to breathe, tries to reach back into Tim’s jeans but he bats him away. 

“Tim--”

Sensitive from Alex’s earlier treatment, he falls apart fast, clinging to Tim’s neck as his thighs tremble and the man’s fingers come away soaked. He leans his weight against the door, hanging onto the knob when Tim parts from him and returns to the sink. The water runs as Jay watches him, wondering if he’ll be able to walk tomorrow.

“…c’mere, I gotta finish you,” Jay mutters, trusting his feet enough to carry him over to Tim. Dipping his hand down the front of his pants, he quickly discovers why Tim shoved his arm back when he went to take care of him. “O-oh.”

“It’s been a while,” Tim confesses, albeit with a hanging head. Jay hugs him from behind, whispering a secret into his ear-- Alex had suffered the same fate. The dark haired man shakes his head and lets it fall against Jay’s chest. “This wasn’t what the plan was at all. We were gonna wait.”

“Well, the plan was good for some things,” Jay soothes him with a kiss to Tim’s cheek. “You and I getting together always leads to plans getting ruined, though.”

Tim has to laugh and take one of Jay’s hands from his chest, lifting it to his mouth to kiss it.

“For once, I’m glad you went and turned it into such a disaster.”

Jay can only bat his eyelashes and put on a coy shrug.

“Glad to.”


End file.
